She rests in a perfect seated bend by a pile of brightly colored blocks. It’s been a year since I left the practice I love for maternity break, and nine months since the baby was born. She’s aged out of our Mom and Baby class, too mobile and too feisty to lie still on her quilt and contemplate the skylight while I breathe through my strained-legged downward facing dogs.
We go to the class for moms and toddlers now, and it’s one of the scant hours I take every week to get away and sink into relative stillness for more than a few minutes. I love my teacher for holding her and singing for a moment, giving me a few breaths more. Still, I find my mind wandering. In my head I’m filing paperwork. I’m planning blog posts. It’s been a year and I’m ready to go back to work. But soon enough she’s back on the floor and crawls back to my mat, her little face back in my shirt and I’d feel kind of silly but we’re all mammas here.
So here we are, my girl and me. She’s right where she has always been, in her impressively muscular, gloriously fat little body. I have to be so effortful to get back into mine. So I breathe. And soon enough we’re both back here to this day at 10am in a light-filled yoga studio. I sort-of-relax in an almost-Bridge pose while she nurses and I breathe and accept that for today, this is what stillness looks like. This moment I take what I can of peace and of breathing and sloppy gratitude. I keep breathing myself back into my body and open my eyes to this moment. I want to witness everything, remember everything, and feel it all.
What about you? Where will you find your place of (relative) stillness today?
Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who offers real-world wellness coaching for people who want to beat the blues and build self-esteem using nutrition and holistic lifestyle methods. She also offers skincare from the inside out consultation for anyone who is tired of the beauty hype and is ready to have vibrant health and glowing skin. She works online and by phone. Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, home-schools secularly, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and nurses on demand in the San Francisco Bay Area. Read more about her here.