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New Year Self-care Jump Start, Day 30

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Good morning, beauty! We are at the end of our month together and hopefully you’ve created a self-care habit that will stay with you for a long time. Now what?

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Get support.

We’ve come a long way since that lovely, leisurely nap on Day 1. Hopefully you have been working the plan and your self-care habit is gaining momentum. Hopefully you are parenting more gently and loving your life more often than not since you are coming from a more cared-for place. My wish for you is that you keep up with making your self and your happiness a priority.

It’s so easy to read a book or do a program and feel like THIS will be the plan that we will stick with for good and change our lives. But our environment pulls up back into what is easy, comfortable, and known.  After a day or two we are right back where we started, feeling lonely, trapped, and snappy,or sleeping too little and running on fumes.  That’s why to make lasting change of any kind, what we need is to change our environment. Otherwise it’s just too easy to slip into our old habits.

I’ve heard it said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. If you are here in this program chances are good you are the person in your family and social circle who is passionate about gentle parenting, happy adulthood, and living a happy, vibrant life. My wish for you is that you find a way to connect with others on the gentle parenting path so you are surrounded by people who have the same goals and outlook that you have. My wish for you is that you become a part of an awesome support system.

You could form a group of people who are on the same path as you.

You could find a therapist who can support you in your personal growth. I have some great recommendations if you need one– a few work online.

You could join a coaching program for loving guidance and support.

The last one is something I can help you with, so please give a shout if that is something you’re interested in. Trying to go at it alone can be so hard, and most often it simply doesn’t work. So if you haven’t been able to achieve your goals on your own, it is through no fault of your own. We need a village. We mothers need mothering.

However you go about building your community, I hope you find a supportive one. You deserve to be surrounded by people who are as warm, loving, helpful, passionate, creative, and inquisitive as you. Find them and you will help each other thrive.

Thank you so much for being a part of this program. I have loved having you here, and I hope to connect with you more, soon.

Very warm wishes,
Kirsten

Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who loves offering real-world holistic coaching for mamas who want to consciously cultivate big lives that get them totally fired up.  Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and rocks a tiny homeschool in the San Francisco Bay Area.  She believes that connection can change your life.   Read more about her here.

New Year Self-care Jump Start, Day 29

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Good morning, beauty! We are nearing the end of our month together. How are you feeling? We’ve been doing a lot of internal work these last few days. Today let’s enhance your surroundings a little bit.

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Make your soundtrack.

Today’s suggestion is something you can take with you after our month together is over. A little like the one-minute mantras, having an anthem or a playlist or even a whole soundtrack can help you feel how you want to feel. When you feel better then you start behaving as if you are a person with all the attributes you hope to develop, right here and now.

Your soundtrack can be calming if you tend to run stressed, or high-energy if you feel a need in your life to get up and move. You can fill your soundtrack with anything you choose, as long as hearing it makes you feel good.

If you are stressed out trying to leave the house and you feel like snapping at your kids, put on a song from your soundtrack and have a little 5-breath cool-out or driveway dance party as needed. Your soundtrack is a great way to alter your surroundings to fit your internal landscape a little bit.

It helps you to get you out of your head and into your body so you can breathe in calm or dance out stress.

What are your favorite songs to help you find motivation, calm, focus, bravery, perspective, or anything else? Share in the comments.

Warmly,
Kirsten

Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who loves offering real-world holistic coaching for mamas who want to consciously cultivate big lives that get them totally fired up.  Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and rocks a tiny homeschool in the San Francisco Bay Area.  She believes that connection can change your life.   Read more about her here.

New Year Self-care Jump Start, Day 28

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Good morning, beauty! Yesterday we talked about going easy on ourselves. Today I’d like to suggest that you do the same for someone who has done you wrong.

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Forgive someone.

Anne Lammot wrote that not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. It’s an old saw, but I think it’s true. True, and hard. And possibly very time-consuming. Like many of the ideas we’ve looked at in the last month, this suggestion is not likely to be boxed up and complete in one day. Forgiveness may be a long road, and you may have every reason to feel angry, sad, regretful about what you have endured or what you weren’t given. No one escapes life among other humans unscathed.

We may be entitled to our anger or resentment, but that doesn’t mean our anger and resentment are good for us. Now, I’m in no way suggesting that you positive-think your way out of your feelings, or that you are bad or wrong if you feel regret about things that have happened in your life. What I am suggesting is that you may find it useful to explore how it feels to have compassion for someone who has hurt you. Chances are good that the person who hurt you was hurt themselves. It may help to remember that all people just want to be happy, and that if people knew how to act better, they would.

It may also help you to imagine this person as a helpless new baby, full of love and potential. What must have happened to that baby to make him or her act the way they did toward you? This exercise works for everyone from challenging parents to horrible exes to people who cut you off in traffic. They were all little babies at the start.

Does that mean we let people off the hook for treating us poorly? Not at all. You owe it to yourself to get away from people who hurt you, and you owe it to your kids who are watching you and learning what to expect in relationship. It just means we stop focusing on what was done to us and start learning to give ourselves the boundless love and care that all people desire and deserve.

Warmly,
Kirsten

New Year Self-care Jump Start, Day 27

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Good morning, beauty! Are you hating on yourself?

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Have a little compassion for yourself.

If you’re like many mamas, you say some pretty awful things to yourself on a regular basis. You may say things to you that you would never say to another person. “I can’t believe you fed them that!” “You’re the worst mother in this class!” “Jeeze, nice over-share, you freakazoid.” (I have said two out of three of those sentences in the last 12 hours. I have said that last one probably twice in the last 6.)

What is it about yourself that makes you think it’s okay to be so unkind?

Take some time to think about your flaws and imperfections. Yes, I know, if you’re like many people you’re probably aces at zeroing in on your perceived flaws and imperfections. But today, try to look at them as you would if you were looking at someone else. How bad would your flaws be if they belonged to a friend instead of you? What if your flaws belonged to your sweet little kid?

We don’t judge little kids for being impulsive and moody sometimes. We don’t look at a little kid dancing and think, “You’re just BAD. Go home and practice until you know what you’re doing.” No, we don’t. It’s impossible to watch a little kid dance in that grinning, swinging elbows, and shaking booty way they have, without smiling. But we say these things, and worse, to ourselves.

Do we really need to view ourselves so harshly? What happens when you look at yourself with the same kindness and courtesy that you would show someone else? When you do that you make space to forgive yourself for your flaws. Not one of us is perfect and yet so often we hate on ourselves for being human. Let’s hold ourselves with compassion and put an end to the negative judgments and the mean names.  It takes a lot of practice to undo our self-criticisms but it is so worth it.

Warmly,
Kirsten

Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who loves offering real-world holistic coaching for mamas who want to consciously cultivate big lives that get them totally fired up.  Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and rocks a tiny homeschool in the San Francisco Bay Area.  She believes that connection can change your life.   Read more about her here.

New Year Self-care Jump Start, Day 26

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Good morning, beauty! Another simple mantra for you today.

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I am Strength. I am Wisdom. 

This mantra is a good one for days when you second-guess yourself or worry that you aren’t being a perfect enough mother. It’s great for when you need extra help remembering that you have everything you need to advocate for your kids, your world, and your best highest self, right there inside of you. May you choose what serves that best self and let go of what brings you down or gets in your way today.

Warmly,
Kirsten

Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who loves offering real-world holistic coaching for mamas who want to consciously cultivate big lives that get them totally fired up.  Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and rocks a tiny homeschool in the San Francisco Bay Area.  She believes that connection can change your life.   Read more about her here.