The ice cream is in the freezer.
I hear its sweet song, creamy and cold, calling from the kitchen below. It’s after 11pm and I know that I need to be asleep an hour ago if I want to function at all tomorrow and still wake up for my 5:30am spin class.
I’m trapped between a softly snoring baby and my six-year-old, who fell asleep somewhere around chapter 8, where Harry and Ron Weasly visit Hagrid for tea and rock cakes.
My husband is two spots over, next to the six-year-old. He smiles at me over the Sunday crossword we’ve been inching through together. He’s very tall and he’s maddeningly thin despite his very sporadic exercise habits.
I know very well that thinner does not equal healthier by default. tweet this
But it’s hard not to be jealous when I compare my slightly doughy mamma curves to the sharp way his Don Draper suits hang off his angular frame just by virtue of genetic good fortune.
Eventually he gets his tall, thin self out of bed for a glass of water. The baby is a night-nurser and while I’m typically hungry all day, I’m ravenous after 9pm. So as he leaves I whisper I’d be ever so if he’d bring me a little snick-snack. Nice fellow, he obliges, returning a few minutes later with the good, raw milk steaming in its blue cup. With it, a handful of almonds.
If I stayed awake there is no doubt I’d be hitting that ice cream. But I’m trapped and it’s late so I eat the almonds and I drink the milk and I listen to my kids breathing softly. Right now I’m glad of my body’s roundedness. It makes a soft landing for her little head and his gangly Kindergarten leg, its knobby knee jutting into the curve of my mamma hip.
They breathe and I breathe and it’s enough. Right now, it’s enough. I go to sleep.
Kirsten Quint Fairbanks is health coach and holistic living expert who offers real-world wellness coaching for people who want to beat the blues and build self-esteem using nutrition and holistic lifestyle methods. She also offers skincare from the inside out consultation for anyone who is tired of the beauty hype and is ready to have vibrant health and glowing skin. She works online and by phone. Kirsten lives happily, works gratefully, home-schools secularly, dances inexpertly, paints badly, cooks traditionally, and nurses on demand in the San Francisco Bay Area. Read more about her here.